[28 Feb 2007|02:12am] what is the sound of settling? it is (despair) nothingness. 1 comments

[21 Dec 2006|05:48pm] despair smells like your hair because i can get lost in it & the aching is warm like your eyes because i can get lost in them & the waste is the waste is it is the years and the time i have waited (waited waited waited waited) for the ( the nothing ) because i can i could i did get lost in them comments

[21 Dec 2006|12:01am] and christmas will be black for the family that lost the baby jesus. a nativity without the infant christ is a humid christmas mornning. comments

[19 Dec 2006|12:12pm] sometimes i can taste you on my breath and i want to purge comments

[04 Dec 2006|02:57am] there is this fear yes there is this fear that the creativity craft inspiration life in art in motion in being (being carries such WEIGHT) & the ability to be elsewhere (that where being shoes being solid earth) will die when i pop(!) the tiny pieces of happy sky in my mouth and so i accept this yes i accept this fear of self & the continued state of being comments

[04 Dec 2006|02:49am] and simply put i am / have / always will be shits & giggles to you, you, you, you & you - someone to laugh at and tell you love (all in the same moment) but now he or at least he says he does wants me loves me and the other crawls back or at least it appears he does but the fear of that laughter and "loving" / the fear of that hurt trumpeting its way all over again is constantly knocking knocking knocking knocking on my fucking door comments

[12 Nov 2006|01:10am] it is human to pick him last for your dodgeball team. i suppose i would, too. comments

[12 Nov 2006|12:24am] they, she said, will make this all go away. a simple idea: happiness in little blue pills (a sanctuary i refuse to accept). and, she said, soon the sadness grief complete & utter despair will fade away. the joy: knowing i am free of sadness. knowing i won't experience it. knowing i will smile that fake, pill-perfected smile knowing knowing no, never really knowing because never REALLY experiencing only seeing life through the orange-tinted pill bottle comments

[12 Nov 2006|12:16am] i am sick of the sickness and the loss lack needing of you you you comments

[01 Nov 2006|12:20am] today, a celebration: a chance to play dress-up and hide (my imperfections) from the fact that i am alone and can't seem to measure up comments

[20 Oct 2006|12:28am] there is in the quiet a single lonely cricket outside my window and in us there is a similarity comments

[19 Oct 2006|08:22am] the mornings are the hardest: waking up alone and struggling to lift the head knowing the failure, failure comments

[07 Oct 2006|09:13pm] it is my sole responsibiity to clean the path of destruction my bitterness has left behind but the loneliness is the villain i must fight at the end of each round comments

[13 Sep 2006|08:38am] i am i am i am not paralyzed; feet need to move instead of keeping me glued where i can stare at you for hours comments

[12 Sep 2006|01:03pm] not to worry the sickness will fade comments

[26 Aug 2006|09:48am] i realized this morning - when i woke from that everynight dream of our hands entertwined while we strolled a city where dreams come true - that it's you i want. and, i need to know, how is it i can still be in love with a person i haven't seen in over a year? i realized this morning - when i found the similarities between each man i've been with since you and you - that it's you i want. and, i need to know, is the dream ever going to be a reality? 1 comments

[09 Jul 2006|12:11pm] there is something celebratory in the shape of us, no? with you, i could be a superhero. comments

[03 Jul 2006|12:17pm] funny that education has become a business and that none of all that dough seems to go in the pockets of those who strive to be something more than the secretary-fucking suits comments

[21 Jun 2006|01:14am] the pseudo-intellectual in you does not make the music that you think it does. instead it falls a little flat (or maybe a little sharp knowing the dissonant way you tend to look at things). and maybe there's a little bit of beauty in the way you fake the notes you just can't seem to hit but i don't see it. and forgive me for laughing at the oh-so-artistic way you dance but - the beatnik in you just can't seem to find the beat. but i'll give you some credit while i toast you with my fiji water for your valiant effort. comments

[21 Jun 2006|01:11am] the fact that i write these poetic rambles in between customers (or what we target team members call "guests") seems just a little too emo for my own good. comments

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